Today was the last school based event for my girls this year. They have two more goofy 2-hour school days to go before the school year ends. Today’s event was “Portfolio Day” in 8.5’s class room. At this event each of the kids in the class gets up and reads a story or poem from the writing portfolio they compiled during the school year, and then share the portfolio going back to the first day of school.
For 11.0, her last event was her “moving up” day-she enters middle school next year.
In both cases, the girls really acquitted themselves so well. 11.0 lead her class in a rap for one of the seven community principles they learned about. 8.5 stepped to the microphone in her class and was clear and concise in her reading-and was one of the only ones in the class who read something more factual and less creative writing based.
It honestly made me feel good that my kids were able to do this. It’s such a skill to stand up and present something to a group of people.
But as is often the case, with those good feelings came the nagging questions: the what if’s and could that have been different? And those weigh on me, probably more now than they did at the start of the school year when Risa was in hospice.
I feel like then I had an excuse, now I don’t. After all no one would question someone with two young kids, a wife in hospice, holding down a job etc, right? But could I have done more during the school year? Intellectually I know the answer to that question is no, I truly do. But emotionally and psychologically I wonder. Is there a something the girls are missing out on having just me around, and not a female voice?
When all is said and done, life is what you make of it. Experiences are neither good or bad, they are experiences-and it’s up to us to make the most of each experience. If I can pass that along to the girls, I’ll think I have done a good job.
But will I know? Yet another question to ponder.