There are 8765 hours in a year. That mean more than 61-thousand hours have passed since Risa passed away – and still time remains an elusive concept to grasp. Sometimes the hours (and days and months) fly by as I am amazed at what we have accomplished. Other times, I can feel each of the hours painfully tick by – seemingly without a concern of the one that will follow.
Perhaps its due to the time of year when this day comes that I get very retrospective. Maybe it’s because sometimes in those long hours I wonder what would those who are no longer with us think about how we’re doing. Would Risa be OK with the decisions we’ve made the life we’ve cut out? Would Risa’s parents be proud grandparents? Would my father be happy with the way I’ve gone about being a father? Would my brother be an influence on my kids?
I’d like to think the answer to the questions are all the same – a resounding yes. But in those long hours sometimes you never know.
I have a high school senior now. She’s going to college next year. Removing someone from the house and changing a dynamic that works. Do we have the ability to make another adjustment? I think so.
I have a high school sophomore now. Her path is in the arts – something Risa would be far better at navigating that I’ll be, but we’ll figure it out. But is that path the right one? I think so.
But all of that is the next 8765 hours.
The last 8765 were filled with accomplishment and lessons I think we can all look back on know the people we remember – not only today but everyday – would be pretty proud of the way we carried ourselves.
There were new faces and new experiences that helped fill out the last 8765 hours – and each is important in shaping the next. Some will be influential for a long time to come. Others are fleeting in their moment in our lives and some we’ll need the next 8765 (or more) to figure out.
But that’s life, right?
I think when my father died when I was young I was able not to dwell on it and let that moment define my life. My hope is my kids are able to do the same – and I’ve been able to use my experiences to set them up to flourish.
There are 8765 hours in a year. 61,355 of them have ticked by since Risa passed away. As we start the next block of time – we’ll do so knowing we’ve done our best, and will continue to do just that.